The Positive Habit Weekly Blog – 15th January, 2018 – Don’t Take Anything Personally
DearHappy Monday! I hope this email finds you in good form and ready to start the week on a positive note.
I’m excited to hear about how you got on last week with Don Miguel Ruiz’s First Agreement, ‘Be Impeccable With Your Word’. I found I did have a few moments where some words were almost out of my mouth and then I paused and thought is this the best way I can express myself? What impact will this have on the person I am talking to? I think that it is not only the words we choose but the way that we use the words that matters.
We may use lovely words but if there is aggression behind the words they are far from lovely.
This leads me to the Second Agreement, ‘Don’t Take Anything Personally,‘ which Ruiz’ describes as:
“Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.”
Boy oh boy, is this something I see a lot of in my work! If everyone immediately became immune to the opinions of others my waiting list would decrease drastically! This is one of the most common problems I help people with. “What will people think?” is a phrase I hear too often. I sense the intense suffering many clients have as they ponder and project what others will think about them if they seem them in any way weak or vulnerable. This can include issues with blushing to having an unsteady or nervous voice during a presentation. The root of this fear often stems from the need to be accepted and approved of.
In order to reach the enlightened state of being where we are genuinely not affected by what we perceive other people think about us (because the truth is that we can’t read minds and don’t really know what other people think) requires a lot of deep inner work on security and confidence. The world would be transformed for the better if no one took anything personally; there would be significant decreases in levels of crime, murders, and wars. The ego and fear of what other people think leads humanity to behave in very inhumane ways.
Put ‘Don’t Take Things Personally’ into practice:
1. If someone insults you remember that this represents more how that person feels about themself and they are projecting their poison onto you. If you accept those words you also accept their poison which Ruiz describes as ‘black magic’. I find that empathy is a quick and effective way of removing the feelings of hurt or anger that an insult can evoke.
2. Let go of the need to be accepted and approved of. This really means that you are not flattered by a compliment or insulted by an slight. The only opinion that matters to you on an inner level is your own. This one takes a lot of practice…
3. Practising the First Agreement of ‘being impeccable with your word’ will give you the inner confidence to stand over anything that you say or do. You have nothing to hide or fear.
4. Learn to not ever take things personally and make this a habit that you practise every day (from the car that cuts you off in traffic to a loved one taking out their bad day on you). Like any other habit, it becomes automatic over time and great freedom will come from that.
I wish you the best of luck with incorporating this agreement into your life. It can take a lot of effort but that effort will help you to live and love from a place of peace.
Next week we will consider the Third Agreement which is ‘Don’t Make Assumptions.’ One of the things I really love about these ‘Agreements’ is that they really help our relationships to flourish.
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