“To live is the rarest thing, most people exist, that is all”
Oscar Wilde
This week for me has been a mix of low lights and high lights as life often is. However, I believe that seeing the positive in the low lights is what keeps us from just existing and brings us into the realms of thriving. Live, don’t just exist
On Monday, returning from the school pick up, I experienced what I saw at that moment as a major ‘low light’ of the week. Luca, my 8 year old son fell off his bike directly into oncoming traffic! It was quite an experience as I was cycling in front of him and saw it happen out of the corner of my eye. A mother’s instinct is strong and at times like this, the survival instinct kicks in – the only thing on my mind was to save my son. I moved so fast that it felt surreal; I threw my own bike on the ground (although I have no memory of doing so), let go of the lead of our beloved dog Rosie and ran into the traffic and roared “STOP!” Thankfully the oncoming car did and amazingly nobody was hurt – even Rosie who had followed me out onto the road came out of it all with her tail wagging.
The ‘highlight’ of the week saw me return to Paris for an important family celebration; the launch of a beautiful book my dad has written of poems. Ironically, the title of the book is “Dancing with Luck.” Paris is a city that is filled with memories and connections for me; I lived there at age 19 for a few months as well as getting engaged and married there.
The apartment my family rented happened to be very close to where I had lived in as a jeune fille au pair 21 years ago. Then, I had my own petit studio and on this trip I went back to see it. Incredibly my subconscious mind seemed to know the way there after all this time. Memories of my younger self came flooding back and the one that struck me was, how even at that age, I believed in how important health was. Pardon the cliche – if we have our health, we have our wealth. The dance with death earlier in the week is a reminder to us all to be grateful for every day that we wake healthy and strong.
If you have any issues, big or small, this week please remember to take a big step back and remember the words of Oscar Wilde (above). The metro in Paris currently has many quotes from this literary hero. His connection to Paris was also very strong and he is buried in Père Lachaise Cemetery.
Life is fragile and precious. Your ability to appreciate it will elevate you into the realms of living and not merely existing.
Please also check out my online, self-help programme, The Positive Habit which is receiving five-star reviews from subscribers who have completed the course.
Thanks for reading and I look forward to sharing with you again next week, same time, same place!
I was fortunate enough to attend the inaugural Mental Health Summit last Friday which featured many great and inspiring speakers. Incredibly, this was the very first summit of its kind in Ireland so hats off to every single person involved in making it happen. mental health everyone
It was a wet and wild morning as I made my way to the Aviva Stadium, the location of the Summit and I held the door open for a lady coming out of a taxi behind me and we both entered the building together. I immediately felt a lovely, positive energy emanating from her. As we were redirected to another entrance we started to chat along the way. “I know you” she said. This happens to us all sometimes and I desperately started to think, “how do I know her?” “Wait,” she said and took her phone out of her bag, and showed me The Positive Habit course in her open browser. She, of course, had recognised me and my voice from the recordings and videos on the website. It was such a pleasure for me to meet a client in a chance encounter like this and to listen to how the course has helped her already positive nature shift into a higher gear. As we entered to register for the conference she asked me what was I doing there? When I replied that it was for the mental health conference she replied “mental health?! I’m here for a beauty conference!” Although she had followed me to the wrong place the time we had together was, I believe, meant to happen. mental health everyone
As previously mentioned, the speakers were all excellent but two of them really spoke to me in a way that resonated. The first was sports psychologist, Gerry Hussey who immediately brought a calm, focused attention to the room. He made the pertinent points that people are happy to talk about mental health in a general sense once it does not refer to them. You,me and every human being has some level of mental health just as we have some level of physical health. Sometimes our mental health can be very good, sometimes it can be very bad but no matter what state it is in it always needs our love and care. For more information on the great work Jerry does please see his website – www.gerryhussey.ie
The second speaker was Niall Breslin a.k.a. “Bressie” who is an incredible ambassador for mental health in this country. He spoke with humor and honesty about his long battle with anxiety and while he has made incredible progress he was aware that he still needs to to care for his mind on a daily basis. My own mind drifted back to the earlier chance encounter that morning and how the lady I had met was someone who recognised that she needed a little help to bring out the best that is in her. This was true awareness and showed that she really cared for her mental health.
This week, please consider what you can do each day to care for your mental health; reading a Positive Pause each week definitely covers Monday mornings so thanks for reading – it means more to me than you will ever know.
“We will go out into the world and plant gardens and orchards to the horizons. We will build roads through the mountains and across the deserts and irrigate the deserts until there will be gardens everywhere and plenty for all. And there will be no more empires or kingdoms…No more slavery, no more property and no more taxes, no more rich and no more poor, no killing or maiming or torture, or execution, no more jailers, no more prisoners, no more armies, no more navies …No more suffering than what life brings us from having to be born and having to die. And then we will see what kind of creatures we really are.”
Indian Raja- 19th Century- on how to increase the infrastructure in Indiacreate your own utopia
A lot of my work is based on the positive psychology movement which has a simple basic principle – by focusing on what is good and positive in our lives we go beyond surviving to reach a place where we are thriving. Martin Seligman, the father of the movement, is something of a hero of mine. For many years he studied psychology from the traditional viewpoint which is to identify and fix what was WRONG with the human psyche. However, since then he has conducted a lot of research into how we can increase our happiness and what happens on an individual, collective and political level when we do.
Like many of you, I was tired on Friday evening after a long week of work. I was sewing the badges onto Luca’s new Cubs sweater and put on Youtube to watch a lecture that Seligman gave in London in May of this year as part of his actionforhappiness campaign. More details can be found here: www.actionforhappiness.org
At the end of the lecture he read the quote above from an Indian Raja and hearing this Luca piped up “That’s what I want to see in the world!” I have to admit I was pretty impressed by his ability to multi-task as he also happened to be playing Minecraft at the same time. It is amazing how children can soak in everything about them.
The ideas expressed in the Raja’s quote might be dismissed as “naive” and “utopian” but I think that we can all take something away from this wise Raja. Our ability to focus on what we do want rather than what we don’t is paramount to our mental well-being. Refusing to focus on all that is wrong in the world, let us nurture and grow what is right.
This week, I ask you to do one simple thing – every time you find something you are less than happy with choose instead to focus on what is already good about the situation. If you have any challenges or problems, big or small, focus on the solution and the desired outcome rather that what could have or should have happened.
By following this principle of positive psychology, you may not necessarily create a utopia or irrigate all of India but you will have made a decision to use the daily opportunity to be the very best person you can be and to make your small corner of the world as positive as possible for those who inhabit it. create your own utopia
Many thanks for subscribing to the Positive Pause. If you enjoy these posts please encourage your friends and family to subscribe by sharing using the links below.
Please also check out my online, self-help programme, The Positive Habit which is receiving five-star reviews from subscribers who have completed the course.
This week saw the sad passing of a wonderful woman who was the mother of a primary school friend of mine. I attended the service for her last Wednesday, a warm and sunny afternoon. A mother’s kindness
It’s hard to put into words the impact that this lady’s kindness had on so many lives and in particular in her role as a mother, wife and grandmother. I hadn’t seen her for a long time as I knew her more when I was a child. My most vivid memory of her was how she would arrive at lunch break in school with hot toasted cheese sandwiches for my friend. She wanted them to still be warm and the cheese to be just melted for her daughter (this was when toasted sandwiches makers were a new and incredible invention). I always remember looking longingly at the melted cheese! The memory of this has always stayed with me – a woman who was clearly very dedicated to her family.
The service was beautiful and honest and her best friend said, in her speech, that this was a happy time to reminisce on all the joy that she had brought to everyone’s lives. She had been ill for a number of years and it was a relief to see the end of her suffering. She was a woman who had loved life and who had lived it to the full. In particular she loved being outdoors and she had even come very close to being selected for Wimbledon in her youth. One of my closest friends who was also at primary school with me summed it up when she said “she was an example to us all.”
Life is certainly short and the time we have here is precious. Later that day I sat in the park with my own mother and cherished the time we have together. I remembered all the kindness and love she has shown me and how her positive light is like a beacon that has always guided me.
This week, allow yourself to consciously appreciate the people you have in your life. It often helps to think of the bigger picture when small irritations come your way. Show the people you love kindness and support at every opportunity, surprise them with random acts of kindness, a small gift or even a freshly toasted sandwich when they are not expecting it!
The greatest gift we have is time and how we choose to spend it and with who. A mother’s kindness
It can be hard to recall what it is like to be a child, a teenager, a younger more vulnerable version of yourself or even what it is like to be old or to be very ill when you feel healthy. However, this week I came to the conclusion that it is definitely worth the effort in order to maintain positive relationships with the people I love. Imagine
I love my son unconditionally. However, truth be known he takes conscious eating to a new level and he can literally take a full two hours to finish his breakfast! Now this is all very well when there are no work and school deadlines looming. I promote stopping and smelling the roses and the need we all have to slow down, but I found this week my mindful moments were being pushed to their peaceful limit.
After a lot of deep breaths and exhortations like “come on, you are going to be late,” I found that I had to take a step back from the building frustration I felt inside that that was leaking out of me.
The morning is an important time for setting the tone for the rest of the day (hence my daily morning walks and mediation). On one of these walks, the words of John Lennon’s song came to me – ‘Imagine all the people, where do they all come from,” which encapsulates the concept of what it is like to imagine the world through someone else’s eyes. I then thought how this might help me to step inside Luca’s shoes and see the world through his eyes. Most kids are much better at living in the moment and we have a lot to learn from their outlook; they are genuinely in, what positive psychology refers to as, a ‘state of flow.’ Their minds’ are totally absorbed with their actions and they are unaware of the passing of time (hence the long breakfasts). It’s an incredibly healthy place to be for us all to be but can be tricky to accommodate on a weekday morning!
This week, if you run into any relationship challenges whether it is with your children, your husband, your wife, your parents, your siblings, your friends or your colleagues it can be helpful to imagine how they see things from their stage in life, their conditioning and circumstances. We owe it to ourselves to work on nurturing positive relationships with those we love and those we meet on a daily basis. Feeling close to others is a strong signal that we feel close to ourselves.
Safe to say, I need to encourage Luca to eat faster on school mornings but also to allow him to keep his natural mindful state. There is a balance and I’m hoping to find it …Wish me luck!
Many thanks for subscribing to the Positive Pause. If you enjoy these posts please encourage your friends and family to subscribe by sharing using the links below.
Please also check out my online, self-help programme, The Positive Habit which is receiving five-star reviews from subscribers who have completed the course.
I regularly do yoga and if I have a spare ten minutes I’ll stick on a YouTube video (one of my favourites is Tara Stiles). The feeling I get after I have stretched my body into all sorts of bizarre shapes is one of openness and connection that benefits me greatly. It’s my way of connecting to myself. Open up to Someone You Love
This week I was asked do a radio interview with the very open-minded and charming Nicky Byrne in RTE 2FM. I was excited to have the opportunity to speak about my work in a supportive and interested environment. Any chance that I get to reach and help people I always grab with both hands. The interview went really well and I got the message across to the best of my ability.
However, after the initial high of the interview I felt an unfamiliar low. I had this uncomfortable feeling of tightness in my chest so I did my yoga, practiced my mediation, listened to my self-hypnosis and while all of these things helped, it became clear to me that I needed to talk to someone to help me figure out why the feeling persisted. On Wednesday evening when the sun was just setting I went for a walk with my very supportive and caring husband and I opened up to him about this unwelcome low I was experiencing after the initial exhilaration of doing the interview. This really helped and gave me an incredible feeling of release similar to when I do yoga. Also the tension in my chest literally dissipated. The outcome of our chat was that I realised I had put myself under a bit too much pressure to get my message across; I hadn’t found out until late Monday that I was to go on live radio the next morning and so I had very little time to prepare.
This week and of course at any time in the future, if you feel tension building in you, please use your own self-help techniques to alleviate the tension. If this is still not enough then, if you can, open up to someone you love, someone who will listen without judging or interrupting! I realise that most of us don’t wish to burden others with our troubles and while this undoubtedly stems from altruism, by not talking about what is on out minds we indirectly, negatively affect those we love; often we can become irritable or withdrawn and our tension affects others. By contrast, talking about issues and sharing your concerns is like opening a window in stuffy room – everything feels fresher and lighter again. Talking honestly also brings you closer to the person you have confided in.
If you wish to listen to the podcast of my interview on 2FM please click here. I hope that my passion and message is clear: you are the master of your mind.
I now have a big, mental, sticky note that says: ” Be kind to yourself, you are doing great,” and next time something comes up at short notice I will make sure to refer to this note. I recommend you do the same for anything that challenges you beyond the normal.
Many thanks for subscribing to the Positive Pause. If you enjoy these posts please encourage your friends and family to subscribe by sharing using the links below.
Please also check out my online, self-help programme, The Positive Habit which is receiving five star reviews from subscribers who have completed the course.
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I was fortunate enough to attend the inaugural Mental Health Summit last Friday which featured many great and inspiring speakers. Incredibly, this was the very first summit of its kind in Ireland so hats off to every single person involved in making it happen. 
It can be hard to recall what it is like to be a child, a teenager, a younger more vulnerable version of yourself or even what it is like to be old or to be very ill when you feel healthy. However, this week I came to the conclusion that it is definitely worth the effort in order to maintain positive relationships with the people I love. 