Positive Pause – 5th December, 2016 – There is No Such Thing as Nothing

there is no such thing as nothingThis week I took some time out from my busy life to listen to a podcast of the highlights from the previous week’s interviews on the Ray D’Arcy radio show. One of the interviews was with Professor Brian Cox, the English Physicist, BBC Presenter and former band member of D:Ream. A 10-year-old listener called in and asked Professor Cox, “If there is nothing in a vacuum, what is the nothing made of? Cox was blown away by the brilliance of the question from such a young mind and answered that empty space literally does not exist.

And now for the science: a vacuum is filled with ‘Higgs’ particles, electrons mix with these particles and fill the ’empty’ space. there is no such thing as nothing

Now, I am not a scientist but am still fascinated by the potential that it opens up.  I believe that the power of imagination coupled with scientific discovery can provide a source of unlimited potential for us all.

If there is no such thing as nothing in terms of physical space, then isn’t it possible that there is no such thing as feeling empty? This strong, negative emotion is often what spirals people into states of depression and severe anxiety. The very act of feeling empty presupposes that we must, in the first instance, be capable of feeling.

I often talk about the importance of letting yourself “feel,” even if your feelings are sometimes difficult or uncomfortable. It is perfectly understandable that you may wish to push away or suppress any unwanted negative feelings, but the irony is that allowing yourself to accept, welcome and engage with these feelings will empower you to achieve what you really want; to let them pass and instead to embrace feelings of joy, happiness and hope.

In the complex mix of negative emotions some people refer to a feeling of being broken. However, such emotions do not suggest that we are broken, merely human. You can’t fix what is not broken and all emotions both positive and negative provide you with an opportunity to engage fully in life. In the run up to Christmas and all the busyness that it can bring, if you feel like crying allow yourself to cry and, even better, if you feel like laughing then laugh out loud!

Later that same day, my ever-mindful mother gave me an article cut-out from a magazine on the importance of silence. I love the way she has done this for me over the years and my books are full of these cut-outs. According to the article, research shows that modern life is noisier than ever before and that constant exposure to noise has a negative impact both mentally and physically.  The opposite of noise is, of course, silence but silence is once again not nothing. The lack of noise both externally and in our minds represents a fullness that is beautiful. Finding time to embrace silence no matter what you are feeling leaves you feeling full and free. The ability to slow down your thoughts and listen to the silence between them is a source of inner tranquility that is always present if you choose it to be.

Life has been very ‘full’ for me recently as I wrapped up seeing my clients, had an early family Christmas dinner, held my son’s (Luca) birthday party for 35 kids, caught up with friends, packed for a trip to Australia, in addition to doing all the usual every-day chores. As you read this I’ll be up in the air in “empty” space being transported from one time zone to another.  Don’t worry, I’ve made sure to include some silence, peace and tranquility in all the ’empty’ space in my luggage. there is no such thing as nothing

If you haven’t already read the honest and frank review of my five-star rated course, The Positive Habit by Michelle McDonagh in  last week’s Irish Times Health Supplement, you can read it heret

here is no such thing as nothing
Thanks for reading and check your inbox next week to read tales from Down Under. In the meantime take good care of YOU! there is no such thing as nothing

Positive Pause – 28th November, 2016 – Live without Fear

live without fearCherish your consciousness and live without fear.

The day humans discovered their own mortality was, in a sense, the true dawn of consciousness. This knowledge is the essence and root of all self-awareness. Our ability to use this awareness to our greater good or to our detriment is at the core of the work I do with my clients on a one-to-one basis and also in my online course, The Positive Habit which will featured in the Health Supplement of Tuesday’s Irish Times (29/11/16).  Put simply, I help people realise that they always have a choice about how they live their lives with the knowledge of their own mortality.

During the week I saw one of my regular clients who shall, of course, remain anonymous.  This person, I believe, is an inspiration for his constantly optimistic and positive outlook and his incredible ability to live without fear. You may wonder why he needs therapy! The reason he comes to me is not to help him overcome any unwanted anxiety or negative emotions but to reinforce, on a subconscious level, his decision not to let fear be the defining factor in his life and to be in charge of his mind no matter what chaos happens in his outer world.

Fear undoubtedly has an essential place in our lives – the fear of burning yourself if you were to put your hand into fire is a healthy one that protects you just like the fear you experience when someone cuts across you on the road. However, many of us carry an abundance of other “unhealthy” fears that prevent us from engaging fully with the wonder of the world. Some of these fears operate at a more subtle level and erode our self-confidence and self-esteem.  For example, being worried about what people will think of you if you express certain opinions or wear certain clothes, or  the fear of asking for a pay rise, or the fear of challenging a difficult colleague or acquaintance, or  the fear of being judged.

In my opinion, the fear of success/failure and the fear of life/death share the same roots- a false sense of security. By choosing not to face your fears you are effectively making a decision to stay in a comfort zone that may seem to protect you but in fact stunts you from ever reaching your full potential. Imagine living a life free of these unnecessary fears.

The first step is to identify your fears and then to challenge them. live without fear

Some of you may have heard of Michelle Poler, a Venezuelan student who experienced global recognition for challenging all of her fears in a college project entitled “100 Days without Fear”.  She proceeded by asking herself what is the worst thing that could happen in a given situation.  This is a question I also often ask my clients when they are struggling with making decisions or letting go of a debilitating fear. To watch her TED talk (which ironically represents her 100th fear) click here.

The opposite of fear is courage. The courage to live by your convictions and not to allow unhealthy fears to hold you back is crucial.

On Friday evening I was at IMMA at the opening of two new exhibitions.  Ironically, the thing that most caught my eye was not the art work but a lovely young woman who displayed a living example of courage. She exuded a charm and uniqueness in her style and had the courage to dress differently and I loved her clothes. I stopped her and asked if it would be alright to photograph her for my blog and she kindly allowed me to snap her in the middle of the gallery. Her name I discovered is Madame Lute.  If you are reading this, Madame Lute, thank you for spreading your positive vibes. Madame Lute makes and models her own vintage clothing. To me, she represents someone who embraces the best in herself and shows it to the world with courage. live without fear

This week, please examine your own “unhealthy” fears and start to challenge them. Cherish your ability to consciously let go of irrational fears that could be holding you back. After all, what is the worst that could happen?

Next week I have the opportunity to challenge one of my fears – cabin fever; I’m flying to Sydney for Christmas and will face my fear of being on a flight for a really long time. I am choosing to embrace this fear and look forward to sharing my journey with you.

Positive Pause – 21st November, 2016 – Empathy

empathyEmpathy

noun: “The ability to understand and share the feelings of another.”

Last Wednesday afternoon I had the annual parent-teacher meeting for my son, Luca and truth be told, I was unconsciously a little nervous before it. I imagine many parents feel this before these meetings even if they already know how amazing their child is; there is usually a touch of “please be positive about my child, please tread carefully with what you say, I’m doing my best!” It takes courage to listen with an open and non-objective heart to potential criticism whether it is from our boss or a partner about ourselves, or a teacher about our child. However, I think that these experiences present us with a valuable opportunity to observe our reactions and behaviour; some people slip into defensive behaviour as their ego flares up at the slightest mention of faults.

One of the many gifts I have discovered in motherhood is that it highlights our own principles and what we believe is important to pass on to our children.

Having empathy is one of my main principles . To have empathy for others is an essential ingredient in creating a world of harmony and peace. Without it, it’s a dog-eat-dog world and who wants to bring children up in that environment?

After Luca’s lovely teacher outlined all his academic abilities she said: “I have to say he has great empathy for the rest of the children in his class”. At this point I wanted to get up and hug the lady. She is 8 and half months pregnant and I didn’t want to overwhelm her, but in my mind she could not have paid Luca a higher compliment. His English, Irish and maths seemed less signifcant as I value emotional intelligence so highly. It was like the time when I found out I was pregnant with Luca (the teacher’s baby bump reminded me of this special time) after a long road of infertility. I felt tears of joy starting to swell I was so proud of my son. I have to admit that I did take some of the credit myself – all those years of talking to him (nagging him!) and guiding him seem to be paying off.

This week, focus on the principles which are important to you and make a conscious choice to live by them. Empathy can come under many different names; kindness, care, compassion and above all, love. When we can see every creature and person is intrinsically connected to us it allows us to open our hearts, to reach out and express kindness in whatever way we can. As I have previously mentioned, in order to be strong enough to see the world like this you must first and foremost take care of yourself. Please continue to find time to care for yourself, reward yourself with a healthy lifestyle and mindset and allow empathy to flow. It is a win-win situation for all concerned!

Positive Pause – 14th November, 2016 – Awareness and Nightmares

awareness and nightmaresThis week the world needs as much positivity as it can get: is seems almost unbelievable that Donald Trump is in power.  The less said the better…awareness and nightmares
Instead, I prefer to turn my attention to the passing of Leonard Cohen.  Death is always sad, but in this case, we have much to celebrate – Cohen has left a wealth of music, poetry, and inspirational quotes for the world to enjoy.  Before his career in music, he dedicated himself to writing, mainly poetry and lived a semi-reclusive life on the Greek island of Hydra. The world should be thankful that, due to a lack of financial success, he came out of his shell to pursue a career as a singer-songwriter.  A clear example here of every cloud having a silver lining. Cohen lived his life to the full and released his fourteenth album only last month at the age of 82, writing and creating right up to the end of his life.

This week, the political events in the USA must have crawled into my subconscious because, despite  my best efforts to remain positive, I had a number of nightmares.  If you are the type of person who remembers your dreams, you will know how disturbing a nightmare can be.  Symptoms can include hot sweats, panic and overwhelming fear. When I was younger I used to get quite upset whenever I had a nightmare and saw it as a sign that my mental health was not good. However, I now choose to embrace these disturbing dreams as a  necessary part of my mental well-being. The nightmare is a mechanism whereby the subconscious mind deals with anything that the conscious mind has not done during your waking hours.  Thank you subconscious mind! My subconscious seems to be particularly suggestible which is why I have to be careful about the information and experiences that I expose myself to.  If you think of children and how impressionable they are, you can begin to see how your subconscious mind works. awareness and nightmares

On Friday morning I had the chance to impress 200 young minds by giving a short talk on mindfulness to Luca’s school assembly.  I explained to the children aged from 4-12 that they have a choice in how they wish to feel, think and behave and that this choice lies in their ability to be aware. I sincerely believe that this is a message that needs to be sung from the rooftops or at least taught in every school and not just once, but every day.

One of my favourite Leonard Cohen quotes is,

“Act the way you’d like to be and soon you’ll be the way you act.”

Awareness is the greatest gift of the conscious mind and is what separates us from most of the animal kingdom. Choosing to use your awareness to shape your own life will allow you to rise above all the fear in the world that is created by just the opposite, a lack of awareness. Just like Cohen, you have the choice to be brave and to bring out the best in you today and everyday, no matter what is going on around you.  And don’t worry about having nightmares – your subconscious is dealing with it! awareness and nightmares

Positive Pause – 7th November, 2016 – 3 Things We Must Do Every Morning

3 things we must do every morning3 things we must do every morning.  Many of us say that life is either good or bad to us. The statement, “I hope life is treating you well” is an example of this. However, the real question that I ask this week is this:  “Are you treating life well?

By looking at life from the perspective that we have an active role in how “good” or “bad” our life has been, we start to feel a sense of empowerment rather than of victimisation. That is not to say that we don’t all meet challenges along the way. Victor Frankl, the Jewish psychiatrist who survived Auschwitz and was exposed to the most adverse of conditions said: 3 things we must do every morning

“Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.”
Viktor E. FranklMan’s Search for Meaning
Following on from my Positive Pause last week about Carpe Diem, spontaneity, seizing the day and making the most of our lives, I just had to share the video below with you. Sadhguru is an Indian spiritual Yogi leader and a man of many talents.  He studied English literature in his youth and has inspired hundreds of thousands of people to live their lives to their fullest potential. One of his famous quotes is:

“If you choose, you can be joyful every moment of your life. It’s time you made your choice.”
Sadhguru
This week, I welcomed the opportunity that mid-term can give us to come off the merry-go-round of school runs, activities and also juggling full-time work and instead to be able to spend time with my family and friends, to watch movies, read books and generally just be. I even found myself knitting- something I haven’t done for probably 30 years! I found it a very therapeutic activity and it connected me back to the 10-year-old who loved to create new things. I remember a jumper that I knitted that was hilariously misshapen and yet I was so proud of it.

We all need to slow down a little sometimes so that we can build a reserve of physical and mental energy for when life picks up again.  Maintaining that slow pace and connecting with it no matter what mayhem is going on outside is a skill worth cultivating.

Many of us search for things that will give us clear instructions on how we can be truly happy and attain the sense of joy that Sadhguru refers to in the above quote.  In the video entitled “3 Things We Must Do Every Morning” he captures this concept very succinctly.

I am now making a mental note to choose to treat my life well in the coming week. What choice will you make?  I hope you enjoy the video – it really does but things into perspective.

Positive Pause – 31st October, 2016 – Spontaneous Thursday!

spontaneous thursdayIn the midst of a busy life of dealing with our many responsibilities, it can be hard to connect to that part of you that knows what it’s like to be carefree and has a desire  to focus only on fun, playing and laughing.

When I think back to myself as a child, teenager, and young adult I was literally up for anything at the drop of a hat; if there was a party or an opportunity to go on a sleepover or if there was an impromptu gathering of any kind I always grabbed it with both hands. It’s possible that you were the same and would have been more likely to embrace spontaneity in your life when you were younger.   Unplanned occasions are often the best and most memorable. spontaneous thursday 

When we become adults it usually becomes harder to find that spontaneity especially if we are tired from long hours at work, family responsibilities or if we are dealing with stress or personal issues. Our lives can become a strict routine with little leeway for us to deviate from the things we need to do.

Last Thursday, I had the joy of being invited not to one but to two impromptu gatherings that literally did come out of the blue. The first was through one of Luca’s pals – his lovely Brazilian minder decided to make a Halloween cake and have a few of the kids from his class over. I had planned on the normal hockey pick-up followed by homework so was delighted to have an excuse to break the routine.  The second was from one of my very good friends who texted me at lunchtime to say “I know it’s a bit fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants but are you free for supper tonight?” This friend of mine is one of those people we all need in our lives; she is a positive beacon of light and embraces all that life has to offer. She had decided to start a supper club gathering of people she doesn’t know very well in order to get to know them better. All of a sudden, my Thursday was looking a hell of a lot more fun than I had thought it would be!  I felt that giddy child in me being reawakened and I welcomed both opportunities to connect to that part of me that definitely needs more air-time.

If you get a chance to create or bring spontaneity into your life, please do! Often it is the most important things in our lives that we leave till last on our long to-do lists; seeing friends, spending time with family and just having a good old belly laugh is therapy for the soul. That is not to say we should ignore our responsibilities, but instead to find a balance to make sure that they don’t become all we give our precious attention to. Regret is an extremely hard pill to swallow and one of the five top regrets of the dying is “I wish I had let myself be happier.” Let’s work together to make sure that doesn’t happen to us! Enjoy your bank holiday Monday – the perfect chance for spontaneity.