All too often in life it is easy to blame someone else when things do not go exactly according to plan, or to put it simply, when things go wrong! We hear it every day ‘If only this person had done this or that, then this or that would not have happened’ or ‘I am so annoyed with x or y as this is their fault.’ Avoid the blame game
This week I was inspired by someone very close to me who rose above blame in a situation where it would have been all too easy to point the finger in fear or anger. A medical error was made, an error that could have had very serious consequences. The error itself was minor and even the most skilled of surgeons are human; any procedure comes with a certain amount of risk. This is true in many areas of our lives. Thankfully, everything has turned out well and there are no lasting consequences.
It occurred to me that the positive outcome of this event is not just a coincidence but because also of the positive attitude and understanding of the patient; the ability to focus on getting better rather than dwelling on what went wrong has played a huge part in the recovery process. The negative emotions that blame bring could only hinder any healing process.
This week, if you find yourself blaming anyone for things in your life that are less than ideal, whether it is at work or in your professional life, please take a big step back and remember the person you are blaming is human and “to err is human” (Alexander Pope). The energy you expend on blame and frustration is wasted and it takes away from reaching a positive resolution to the situation.
Consider also, that very often those who jump to blame are usually twice as hard on themselves. Please don’t forget to avoid playing the blame game on yourself. If you make a mistake remember to take a step back, offer compassion to yourself and allow yourself to see what a ‘mistake’ really is – an opportunity to learn, to grow and to reach your full potential.
When you feel down please be kind to yourself. fog always clears
We all have days when it feels like we are struggling under a fog and can’t see clearly. Often this can be because we are working too hard or simply trying to juggle too many different responsibilities.
This week Dublin was covered in a thick fog coming in from the sea. The famous Poolbeg chimneys in Dublin bay were completely masked by the mist. A visitor who had never seen the city before would not realise that the chimneys were there at all and yet behind all the fog the chimneys were as strong and prominent as always.
This week and every week, if you feel any heavy emotions that seem to cloud your thinking and drain your energy, please remember that underneath it all, you are still there, strong and prominent. The negative feelings will pass and you will soon be restored to your true self.
I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to be kind to yourself in those moments, hours or even days when you feel the weight of the fog. The human instinct is often to try and hide from any emotional pain, to push it down, to avoid it, to block it out in whatever coping mechanism we have learnt; this can often be to eat or drink to escape which, of course, does not work and the fog thickens and lingers longer. Often we will do anything but simply accept it. Show it compassion, accept it for what it is and then let it slowly pass.
The origin of the word emotion comes from the Latin word, ēmovēre which means to move. The fog always clears and emotions always move or pass on.
If and when you feel down or are worried about something, be kind to yourself, accept that the emotion is there for a reason and that it needs your attention and care. Show yourself compassion and let the emotion move and pass through you. Clarity will soon be restored and you will feel much better.
On this glorious bank holiday Monday I hope that you are in a position to enjoy the weather and find some time to unwind and relax. Women’s mini marathon
I am running the VHI Women’s Mini Marathon today for the seventh year in a row. I’ll be joining the thousands of women who have decided to do something good for themselves and at the same time raise money for charity. It is indeed a win-win situation.
Motivation often comes from focusing on rewards. The reward system in your mind is very strong but it can need help at times to be channeled positively. I believe in living in the present moment but also in setting clear, attainable goals that focus the mind and allow us to reach our full positive potential.
As summer is now well and truly in full swing, why not think about something that you wish to achieve this summer? It doesn’t have to be anything huge, any change that genuinely rewards you is significant. Our minds are activated by reward and this can be used to both our advantage and our detriment. The reward from becoming fitter, making healthier choices, brushing up on a language, reading more books or spending more time with positive people is a reward worth pursuing.
To help you define what goals you wish to pursue, think back to times in your life when you felt fulfilled and were achieving. Ask yourself what things were you doing then that you are not doing anymore? Find one goal that makes you feel good just by thinking about it and imagine/visualise how amazing you will feel when you have achieved it. I’ve been doing this for seven years now with the Mini Marathon and it clearly activates something in my mind that keeps me focused on training and raising money for my chosen charity.
Here’s to all the ladies taking part today!
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At the weekend I went to see Derren Brown, the famous mentalist and illusionist, for the first time. In both my work and personal life I am fascinated with the mind and have been interested in his work on “mind control.” Miracle of you
Part of what Derren Brown does could be considered to be “stage hypnosis”. This is a million miles away from what I do with my clients as a hypnotherapist. Stage hypnosis is responsible for the creation of myths and misinformation about what hypnosis really is. As a result, the common misconception that the hypnotist has full control over your mind and can make you do anything they want is a daunting prospect for anyone.
However, Derren Brown is actually all about debunking ‘magic’ or ‘mind control’ and he explains and shows his audience how he does such incredible things. I really admire his transparency and openness.
Ultimately, it all comes down to you and your incredible mind! The belief systems, early conditioning and the stories we tell ourselves can define us if we allow them to. Derren Browne simply gives people a safe space to open their minds and to suspend unhelpful belief systems. This is exactly what I do in my work as a hypnotherapist.
Growth mindset is about opening your mind to new experiences. Your subconscious does not know the difference between reality and imagination and will accept the story that you tell it. Harnessing the power of your imagination to your favour will allow you to reach your full potential. However, it is detrimental when your imagination works against you: catastrophising and imagining the worst possible outcomes is where a lot of anxiety and fear stems from. It is estimated that ninety two per cent of what people fear never happens or is something they cannot control and it is therefore futile spending energy worrying about it.
Derren Brown worked hard to leave his audience on a high and the show had so many positive suggestions to encourage the audience to have faith in themselves, to let go of their past conditioning, to focus on the present moment and to remind us all of the miracle of our lives and our minds.
This week, as Derren Brown pointed out, please remember that you can only control two things – your thoughts and your actions. You are capable of achieving more than you may ever have thought possible but only if you think it so.
Please take the time to have a look at my new online, self-help, digital programme, www.thepositivehabit.com which launches today and is featured the Health and Living Section of the Irish Independent.
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It’s quite a tricky question to answer are the best of times but try a Tuesday morning when you are just awake and you are pre-occuupied with preparing the school lunch and getting ready for the working day ahead! This was the question my eight year old son asked me last Tuesday wide-eyed and innocent. I think he believed that there was an age that you are required to make a will in much the same way as when you are 18 you are legally allowed to vote.
It may sound like a negative question but the innocence of childhood allows one to see death in a different light. Children can be very matter-of-fact about “delicate” issues that adults often try to skirt around. I believe we have a lot to learn from children on so many levels as they often have the ability to clearly see things as they are.
The cycle of life is quite simple, we are born, we live and then we die. The freedom of being comfortable with our own mortality allows us to really live, to engage fully with life. Ironically, many of us search for certainty in areas of life where this cannot be provided. By contrast, death is a certainty and once this is accepted and embraced with courage and love it gives us the freedom to live.
Have a good week and enjoy each and every precious moment by being fully “awake” to all life offers you.
Sometimes it is the simplest of things that can remind us of the fragility of life. Recently I was in a beautiful and tranquil forest in Wexford. The weather hadn’t quite turned warm yet however the trees in the forest had begun to change and the softest green, new leaves had begun to grow. Yet some of these leaves were beginning to wither before they had fully developed; they were waiting for Mother Nature to bring warmer weather before they fully committed to the incipient spring. It struck me as a reminder to us all that life is fragile and that we owe it to ourselves to be gentle with ourselves. Rest assured, Mother Nature will provide us with all that we need if we trust ourselves.
This week, please use the gift of awareness as your ally at all times. Remain open to each and every precious moment of your existence with the knowledge that there is great strength in even the most fragile of things. I am sure those leaves are now in full blossom!
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All too often in life it is easy to blame someone else when things do not go exactly according to plan, or to put it simply, when things go wrong! We hear it every day ‘If only this person had done this or that, then this or that would not have happened’ or ‘I am so annoyed with x or y as this is their fault.’ Avoid the blame game
