It can be hard to recall what it is like to be a child, a teenager, a younger more vulnerable version of yourself or even what it is like to be old or to be very ill when you feel healthy. However, this week I came to the conclusion that it is definitely worth the effort in order to maintain positive relationships with the people I love. Imagine
I love my son unconditionally. However, truth be known he takes conscious eating to a new level and he can literally take a full two hours to finish his breakfast! Now this is all very well when there are no work and school deadlines looming. I promote stopping and smelling the roses and the need we all have to slow down, but I found this week my mindful moments were being pushed to their peaceful limit.
After a lot of deep breaths and exhortations like “come on, you are going to be late,” I found that I had to take a step back from the building frustration I felt inside that that was leaking out of me.
The morning is an important time for setting the tone for the rest of the day (hence my daily morning walks and mediation). On one of these walks, the words of John Lennon’s song came to me – ‘Imagine all the people, where do they all come from,” which encapsulates the concept of what it is like to imagine the world through someone else’s eyes. I then thought how this might help me to step inside Luca’s shoes and see the world through his eyes. Most kids are much better at living in the moment and we have a lot to learn from their outlook; they are genuinely in, what positive psychology refers to as, a ‘state of flow.’ Their minds’ are totally absorbed with their actions and they are unaware of the passing of time (hence the long breakfasts). It’s an incredibly healthy place to be for us all to be but can be tricky to accommodate on a weekday morning!
This week, if you run into any relationship challenges whether it is with your children, your husband, your wife, your parents, your siblings, your friends or your colleagues it can be helpful to imagine how they see things from their stage in life, their conditioning and circumstances. We owe it to ourselves to work on nurturing positive relationships with those we love and those we meet on a daily basis. Feeling close to others is a strong signal that we feel close to ourselves.
Safe to say, I need to encourage Luca to eat faster on school mornings but also to allow him to keep his natural mindful state. There is a balance and I’m hoping to find it …Wish me luck!
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I have a small wooden chair that I’ve had ever since I was very young. In fact, I think my parents bought it for my sister before I was born. They got it in France and somehow it has moved around with me all of my adult life.
During the week, between clients, I caught sight of the small chair lying in the middle of the rug. The chair is a relic of the past but also very much part of my life today as I still use this chair all the time, in fact, I’m sitting on it now. It’s perfect for meditating, drying my hair and writing! However, something about the empty chair struck a chord with me about how certain items we have had for many years carry an abundance of mixed memories.
A lot of the work I do with my clients is about helping people to become friends with themselves, to be kinder to themselves and to care for and nurture the best that is in them; often it is past hurtful experiences that stop them from doing just that. Most of the time these experiences are not in our conscious awareness but they are present in the decisions and behaviours we exhibit.
Like many people, though not all thankfully, I have had certain experiences in my past that I am not proud of; relationships that have gone wrong, things I wish I hadn’t done or said, silly mistakes made in the tumultuous teenage years. Thankfully, I have come to terms with these things and have no regrets realising that both the negative and the abundance of positive experiences have shaped who I am today.
It struck me while looking at the little chair, that becoming friends with your past is fundamental to becoming friends with your present and truly being able to let the best of you shine through in the now. You are only defined by your past if you choose to be. becoming friends with yourself
This week, consider how your past impacts on you today and consciously let go of anything that could be holding you back. Having buckets of compassion for yourself and anyone who may have hurt you will help you on this journey to nurturing the most important relationship in your life- the one you have with yourself.
All too often in life it is easy to blame someone else when things do not go exactly according to plan, or to put it simply, when things go wrong! We hear it every day ‘If only this person had done this or that, then this or that would not have happened’ or ‘I am so annoyed with x or y as this is their fault.’ Avoid the blame game
This week I was inspired by someone very close to me who rose above blame in a situation where it would have been all too easy to point the finger in fear or anger. A medical error was made, an error that could have had very serious consequences. The error itself was minor and even the most skilled of surgeons are human; any procedure comes with a certain amount of risk. This is true in many areas of our lives. Thankfully, everything has turned out well and there are no lasting consequences.
It occurred to me that the positive outcome of this event is not just a coincidence but because also of the positive attitude and understanding of the patient; the ability to focus on getting better rather than dwelling on what went wrong has played a huge part in the recovery process. The negative emotions that blame bring could only hinder any healing process.
This week, if you find yourself blaming anyone for things in your life that are less than ideal, whether it is at work or in your professional life, please take a big step back and remember the person you are blaming is human and “to err is human” (Alexander Pope). The energy you expend on blame and frustration is wasted and it takes away from reaching a positive resolution to the situation.
Consider also, that very often those who jump to blame are usually twice as hard on themselves. Please don’t forget to avoid playing the blame game on yourself. If you make a mistake remember to take a step back, offer compassion to yourself and allow yourself to see what a ‘mistake’ really is – an opportunity to learn, to grow and to reach your full potential.
When you feel down please be kind to yourself. fog always clears
We all have days when it feels like we are struggling under a fog and can’t see clearly. Often this can be because we are working too hard or simply trying to juggle too many different responsibilities.
This week Dublin was covered in a thick fog coming in from the sea. The famous Poolbeg chimneys in Dublin bay were completely masked by the mist. A visitor who had never seen the city before would not realise that the chimneys were there at all and yet behind all the fog the chimneys were as strong and prominent as always.
This week and every week, if you feel any heavy emotions that seem to cloud your thinking and drain your energy, please remember that underneath it all, you are still there, strong and prominent. The negative feelings will pass and you will soon be restored to your true self.
I cannot emphasise enough how important it is to be kind to yourself in those moments, hours or even days when you feel the weight of the fog. The human instinct is often to try and hide from any emotional pain, to push it down, to avoid it, to block it out in whatever coping mechanism we have learnt; this can often be to eat or drink to escape which, of course, does not work and the fog thickens and lingers longer. Often we will do anything but simply accept it. Show it compassion, accept it for what it is and then let it slowly pass.
The origin of the word emotion comes from the Latin word, ēmovēre which means to move. The fog always clears and emotions always move or pass on.
If and when you feel down or are worried about something, be kind to yourself, accept that the emotion is there for a reason and that it needs your attention and care. Show yourself compassion and let the emotion move and pass through you. Clarity will soon be restored and you will feel much better.
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It can be hard to recall what it is like to be a child, a teenager, a younger more vulnerable version of yourself or even what it is like to be old or to be very ill when you feel healthy. However, this week I came to the conclusion that it is definitely worth the effort in order to maintain positive relationships with the people I love. Imagine
All too often in life it is easy to blame someone else when things do not go exactly according to plan, or to put it simply, when things go wrong! We hear it every day ‘If only this person had done this or that, then this or that would not have happened’ or ‘I am so annoyed with x or y as this is their fault.’ 