The Positive Habit Weekly Blog Archives Page 18 of 24 - Fiona Brennan

The Positive Habit Weekly Blog – 16th April, 2018 – Share Your Shame

Dear Positive Habit People,

I have a confession to make! When I was seven years old I stole two fancy erasers from a friend of my parents. I then carried the shame and guilt of this around for months until one day my Dad asked me what was bothering me and I confessed my ‘terrible’ crime with the drama of someone who has committed murder. I have never forgotten the relief I felt when he told me that it was okay, that many children steal small things and that I was not a ‘bad person’ because of it.

Shame, is something that we all experience on one level or another at some point in our lives. The sooner we get a handle on it the better because shame is toxic, erodes self-esteem and keeps us blocked and locked in a spiral of negativity.

Most of the actions about which we feel shame are not deserving of such a strong, negative emotion. Now, while I do believe in having healthy remorse for when we behave without compassion, many of us carry around shameful feelings unnecessarily for things that we have no need to feel shame over: the way a mother, father or child has behaved; if we don’t know the answer to a question; if we forget someone’s birthday; for not being a ‘perfect’ parent or not having a ‘perfect’ house. We can also feel shame for our social status, for not having children, for being single, for not being able to afford something and the list goes on and on.

This week I’ve been reading the bestselling book, ‘Daring Greatly’, by Brene Brown, a researcher and writer famous for her work on vulnerability and shame. The book highlights how shame isolates us from others and prevents us form making authentic connections. Brown believes that the only way to deal with shame is to name it, to take it out of the dark and into the light and writes,

“If we share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”

The very act of naming and speaking about shame kills it softly.

To return to my rubber-robbing incident, let’s make it clear that am not condoning stealing in any shape or form; if we do something wrong we should suffer the consequences. However, it must be recognised that we are human and make mistakes. In the words of my father, “the important thing is that we learn from them,” which I agree is such a ‘parent’ thing to say and I now find myself echoing those very same words to my son!.

Reflect on your own life and see if you can recall a similar experience when you really felt shame. Did you open up to someone and if so did the shame pass?

The healing process of putting gratuitous shame where it belongs allows you to move with grace and goodness through your life.

Have a lovely week and remember to open your heart and mind to anyone you think may be experiencing shame. You can be the person who offers the empathy and love they need.

Please watch my latest video: “The Positive Habit, Stress-Free, Anxiety-Free, Week Eleven, “Self-Love is Selfless”

* Thanks for all the great feedback on the buzzing bee technique video last week and just to clarify, you need to put your thumbs into your ears as the idea is to block out any external noise.

I’m happy to report that these videos are really helping people so please do share with anyone you feel may benefit from some extra love and care.

I’ll be discussing social media anxiety on my regular, ‘Mind Yourself Now’ slot on The Dermot & Dave show (Today FM) this morning (Monday, 16th April) at 10.15.am so please tune in. If you miss it don’t worry – I’ll podcast it here next week.

The Positive Habit – Anxiety-Free, Stress-Free – Week 11

“Self-Love is Selfless.”

A big thanks to Professor Patrick Flood for inviting me to speak to his HR Masters students.

“Fiona Brennan is an outstanding speaker on the topic of positive well being as well as an acclaimed clinical hypnotherapist. She presented to a large group of HR managers at DCU (11th April, 2018) on the MSc in HR Strategy with great skill, humour and insight. I strongly recommend her for speaking and teaching engagements- if you need inspiration and empathy – Fiona will provide it!”

Social Anxiety affects 16.8% of Irish people. Social media is a place where people judge and compare themselves to others.

The Positive Habit self-therapy program builds true inner confidence and helps people to feel calm in any social situation whether at work or with friends.

This program helps people to face the world, both virtual and physical, with true self-belief. It takes 66 days and costs €99.95 – a small investment in time and money given the true benefits it delivers.

Please take the Anxiety Test

To register for a 30-day, risk free, trial please click below. 30 Day Money Back Guarantee – 6 Months Access.

If you are in financial difficulties then please consider the bursary scheme. Our goal to help as many people as we can to feel calm,confident and in control.

The Positive Habit Weekly Blog – 9th April, 2018 – the Black Dog Spells Self-Doubt

Dear Positive Habit People,

One morning last week, when I was on holiday in France, I went for a run which took me down a small country lane. It was a bright morning, the birds were singing and it was so peaceful and serene. Suddenly, out of the corner of my eye, I saw a black dog. I froze and the serenity quickly slipped away leaving my heart pounding. I had entered survival mode.

Now, I’ve always LOVED dogs but many years ago I was bitten from behind on the ankle by a black dog and if I close my eyes I can still feel its teeth on my bone. My immediate instinct was to turn around and run as fast as I could but what if it chased me? It would surely win. So, with a LOT of calming deep breaths I ventured forward. The black dog looked a lot less scary as I approached it, in fact, it was pretty cute. It even wagged its tail and came up to greet me. Although my heart was still pounding I asked myself what had I been so afraid of?

Negative experiences that we believe threaten our survival are etched into our subconscious minds. The way I had reacted wasn’t therefore silly or dramatic on a primal level; once bitten, twice shy can be very a valuable lesson. However, on a conscious level, it made no sense whatsoever as the dog was small, friendly and caused me no harm. I had doubted myself, my ability to cope at that moment and had thought the worst of the innocent dog; as with anxiety I was catastrophising.

We all have moments of self-doubt when we question our ability to contribute meaningfully to our families, our work and to the world.

Those doubts are like the black dog, they seem so much more frightening than they really are and when we turn with courage towards them they soften.

This week, If you have any feelings of self-doubt, breathe deeply (it works), face the doubts with courage and compassion and then slowly watch them dissolve.

Please watch my latest video: “The Positive Habit, Stress-Free, Anxiety-Free, Week Ten, 2 Minutes to Feel Calm, The Buzzing Bee Technique.”

I’m happy to report that these videos are really helping people so please do share with anyone you feel may benefit from some extra love and care.

The Positive Habit – Anxiety-Free, Stress-Free – Week 10

“2 Minutes to Feel Calm, the Buzzing Bee Technique”

Social Anxiety affects 16.8% of Irish people. Social media is a place where people judge and compare themselves to others.

The Positive Habit self-therapy program builds true inner confidence and helps people to feel calm in any social situation whether at work or with friends.

Please take the Anxiety Test

To register for a 30-day, risk free, trial please click below. 30 Day Money Back Guarantee – 6 Months Access.

If you are in financial difficulties then please consider the bursary scheme. Our goal to help as many people as we can to feel calm,confident and in control.

The Positive Habit Weekly Blog – 26th March, 2018 – The Miracle of Aging

Dear Positive Habit People,

How do you view age? My husband turned half a century on Thursday last week and rather than running for the hills, I’ve never loved him more. A few months ago myself and my son, Luca were chatting about the “big” birthday coming up and at the age of just one decade he asked me, “But what is growing old and why is it bad to grow old? We are culturally conditioned to be old is a negative thing. Then he said, “Maybe we are like objects and the older we get the more precious we get.”

His words, not mine. The cynic may dismiss this as easy for him to say as he is only ten and has his whole life ahead of him. And, while that is true, we also need to acknowledge that our lives are here and now and not to be wished away. You know the way it goes – “I can’t wait for the weekend, next month, my holidays, when I get this job, when I lose weight…” The list goes on and on!

Instead, by using the power of presence and living in the moment we wake up to the full beauty of life and age becomes irrelevant.

It simply ceases to be an issue and we become open and fully alive. To quote another super aware individual, Ruby Wax, author of “Sane New World,”

“ … if you were attentive to your life rather than simply getting through it, then even if a doctor told you – you only had six months to live, if you were awake to every minute, it would be longer than if you had 100 years to live in an unconscious state.”

This week, let go your concerns around the concept of age and aging. Acknowledge that we all get older but ask yourself is that really such a bad thing? Is it in fact, not wonderful? The older we are the more life we have lived and to be alive now is a miracle. My son’s life is a miracle, Ruby Wax’s life is a miracle, your life is a miracle. Share your wisdom.

See below for my latest video: The Positive Habit, Stress-Free, Anxiety-Free, Week Eight. Can You Look in the Mirror and say “I love you?”

I’m really happy to report that these videos are helping people so please do share them with anyone you feel may benefit from some extra love and care.

The Positive Habit – Anxiety-Free, Stress-Free – Week 8

Can you look in the mirror and say “I love you?”

Social Anxiety affects 16.8% of Irish people. Social media is a place where people judge and compare themselves to others.

The Positive Habit self-therapy program builds true inner confidence and helps people to feel calm in any social situation whether at work or with friends.

Please take the Anxiety Test

To register for a 30-day, risk free, trial please click below. 30 Day Money Back Guarantee – 6 Months Access.

If you are in financial difficulties then please consider the bursary scheme. Our goal to help as many people as we can to feel calm,confident and in control.

The Positive Habit Weekly Blog – 19th March, 2018 – Sans Souci – Without Worries

Dear Positive Habit People,

Happy Bank Holiday Monday! I hope you make time for some fun and laughter today.

Last Monday morning I was in Berlin having had a great weekend of fun and frolics with my sister, who as regular readers will know, lives there. Some people are like a ray of sunshine or a disco ball of love and light and my sister and her husband are definitely that for me. Going to Berlin always makes me feel about 12 years old again and I love the feelings of freedom that these trips engender. On the Sunday it was beautifully sunny and an unseasonable 17 degrees so we visited ‘Sans Souci’ in Potsdam, just outside Berlin. This is the famous summer palace of Frederick the Great, King of Prussia (1740-1786).

Sans Souci was Frederick’s playground where he invited many guests, including Voltaire, to lavish parties. The essence of the palace captured the fun I felt that day and the next so in the spirit of San Souci I went for a run wearing my very attractive fleecy pajamas, you know the type I mean! My sister assured me that this was a ‘cool’ outfit in Berlin and that nobody would bat an eyelid. Wow – it was liberating! Still wearing my fleecy pink pajamas I slid down some fantastic slides in the park beside their apartment and let my inner child fully out to play.

This week, especially today since it is a holiday, embrace the lighter side of life. Recall that when you were a child the main focus of the day was to play and to have fun. As adults we still need to do this, but we often take our worries with us unlike Frederick the Great who created a space in his life far away from war and his autocratic father. Carve this time and space into your life where you can leave responsibility behind and let out your inner child. You don’t have to go for a run in your pyjamas, but do find a time and place to be free from worry and stress.

Travel inspires me and Ryanair is to me what Sans Souci palace was once to Frederick the great.

See below my latest video: The Positive Habit, Stress-Free, Anxiety-Free, Week Seven – Change your relationship to anxiety and stress from pressure to compassion.

I’m really happy to report that these videos are helping people so please do share them with anyone you feel may benefit from some extra love and care.

The Positive Habit – Anxiety Free, Stress Free – Week 7- Tips & Dealing with Anxiety and Stress

Change Your relationship to anxiety from pressure to compassion

Social Anxiety affects 16.8% of Irish people. Social media is a place where people judge and compare themselves to others.

The Positive Habit self-therapy program builds true inner confidence and helps people to feel calm in any social situation whether at work or with friends.

Please take the Anxiety Test

To register for a 30-day, risk free, trial please click below. 30 Day Money Back Guarantee – 6 Months Access.

If you are in financial difficulties then please consider the bursary scheme. Our goal to help as many people as we can to feel calm,confident and in control.

The Positive Habit Weekly Blog – 12th March, 2018 – Heart Intelligence

Dear Positive Habit people,

I hope this email finds you well. How is your heart? Ivor Browne, the eminent Irish psychiatrist, first introduced me to groundbreaking information about the incredible intelligence of the heart, the seat of our emotions.

Did you know that our hearts have 10,000 neurons that are the similar to those in the brain? This is known as ‘heart intelligence’ and the ‘little brain’ in the heart. We use the word heart to express our emotions in so many different ways; from the bottom of your heart, to break someone’s heart, to cross your heart, to eat your heart out, to be half-hearted about something, to have a change of heart, to have a heart of gold and the list goes on. In ancient Egypt, as part of the mummifying process, they threw away the brain and conserved the heart because they believed it was the most important organ. However, in the development of biological science the fact that the heart was discovered as being responsible for pumping blood throughout the body allowed Descarte’s rather mechanical view to become the dominant one in the West and the heart was considered to have no intelligence of its own. Recent research has shown that the heart is much more than just an organ that pumps blood around the body.

David Malone’s incredible documentary, ‘Heart vs Mind’ (Ivor Browne recommended this documentary to me) is a fascinating introduction to the concept of the heart as having an inherent intelligence.

When we operate from heart we use a very different operating system, one that is based on love, kindness, and compassion.

This week imagine your thoughts sifting down towards your heart and letting your heart not your mind lead you in your relationships and the choices that you make. Even if you are not naturally an affectionate person, open yourself to giving and receiving hugs – they increase oxytocin levels and open your heart as well as calming the sympathetic nervous system. If you can hold the embrace for 15 seconds all the better, the longer the more positive the impact.

Have a lovely, snow-free week and please watch the latest in my video series ‘The Positive Habit, Stress-Free, Anxiety-Free, Week Five – How to Release Anxiety With Compassion’.

The feedback for the previous videos in this series has been great and I am delighted that they seem to be helping people to live more calmly.

Please listen to my podcast for Mind Yourself Now! on the Dermot & Dave Show on Today FM in which I discussed social anxiety which affects almost 20% of Irish people.

The Positive Habit – Anxiety Free – Stress-Free – Week 6 – Tips and Hacks for Dealing with Anxiety and Stress

Getting a Space Between You & Your Anxiety

Social Anxiety affects 16.8% of Irish people. Social media is a place where people judge and compare themselves to others.

The Positive Habit self-therapy program builds true inner confidence and helps people to feel calm in any social situation whether at work or with friends.

Please take the Anxiety Test

To register for a 30-day, risk free, trial please click below. 30 Day Money Back Guarantee – 6 Months Access.

If you are in financial difficulties then please consider the bursary scheme. Our goal to help as many people as we can to feel calm,confident and in control.

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