I have a small wooden chair that I’ve had ever since I was very young. In fact, I think my parents bought it for my sister before I was born. They got it in France and somehow it has moved around with me all of my adult life.
During the week, between clients, I caught sight of the small chair lying in the middle of the rug. The chair is a relic of the past but also very much part of my life today as I still use this chair all the time, in fact, I’m sitting on it now. It’s perfect for meditating, drying my hair and writing! However, something about the empty chair struck a chord with me about how certain items we have had for many years carry an abundance of mixed memories.
A lot of the work I do with my clients is about helping people to become friends with themselves, to be kinder to themselves and to care for and nurture the best that is in them; often it is past hurtful experiences that stop them from doing just that. Most of the time these experiences are not in our conscious awareness but they are present in the decisions and behaviours we exhibit.
Like many people, though not all thankfully, I have had certain experiences in my past that I am not proud of; relationships that have gone wrong, things I wish I hadn’t done or said, silly mistakes made in the tumultuous teenage years. Thankfully, I have come to terms with these things and have no regrets realising that both the negative and the abundance of positive experiences have shaped who I am today.
It struck me while looking at the little chair, that becoming friends with your past is fundamental to becoming friends with your present and truly being able to let the best of you shine through in the now. You are only defined by your past if you choose to be. becoming friends with yourself
This week, consider how your past impacts on you today and consciously let go of anything that could be holding you back. Having buckets of compassion for yourself and anyone who may have hurt you will help you on this journey to nurturing the most important relationship in your life- the one you have with yourself.
September is often a busy month and an ideal time to shed unwanted habits in the same way as the leaves fall from the trees. Back to school and work after the holidays provides a opportunity to form new positive habits. pocket of peace
While on holiday in France I got into the habit of taking a walk as soon as I woke up, before breakfast, before anything. This walk provided me with an amazing amount of peace and allowed me to ease into the day. I would focus on making it a mindful experience by choosing one of my senses or my breath to anchor me in the present. I would then keep this moment-to-moment awareness and an awareness of the sense that I had chosen as I went through the rest of the day.
In the busyness of being back to a routine with my son going to school and my first client at 8.30.am I was concerned about how I could maintain this mindful walk. However, I was determined to keep up this morning ritual and each morning this week I set the clock 15 mins early. I am fortunate enough to have my walk along the beach and witness the sun just after it has risen. This time before work and the busy day is a pocket of peace that sets me up with the resources that I need.
This week, if you can (and I appreciate just how busy most of you are), please consider finding your own pocket of peace before the day begins. Setting your clock that little bit earlier can make all the difference. Take the time to either go for a walk, do some yoga, meditation, write a journal, anything that provides you with the opportunity to create a space just for you. This time allows you to connect in with yourself and ease yourself into the day before it gets busy. This is especially true if you allow it to be a mindful experience.
Taking time for yourself is not a luxury but a fundamental need that benefits not only you but all those around you.
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Have you ever been struck by a strong emotion which has caught you completely unawares? On Friday of last week I was happily packing , cleaning and preparing for our imminent departure from France back to Ireland when, all of a sudden as I glanced at my son playing with his toy cars (something he now rarely does) in his small bedroom, I was overwhelmed with tears.
France really is a second home to me; eight years ago when my son, Luca was just six months old we bought a small village house that needed total renovation. We have evolved as a family, spending all our holidays over the years in this house and each nook and cranny contains a little bit of our hearts.
Luca’s room is tiny and an adult can’t stand up straight in it. Until this year it has suited him fine but he is now getting so big that will soon bang his head off the beams. It struck me like lightening as I was cleaning that he wouldn’t play in that room again and that we were reaching the end of an era. A sudden wave of nostalgia and sadness came over me.
This week and every week, when you have a strong emotion, no matter what the circumstances please let yourself feel it and go through it rather than trying to suppress it. The cathartic feeling of letting yourself cry is not a weakness but a strength.
After my cry I realised it was not sadness but a form of muted joy and gratitude in disguise for all we have. The ability to allow ourselves the passing of life’s phases ironically allows us to be fully present in the moment. The tears allowed me to show appreciation of all the wonderful memories that we have and all the wonderful ones that are yet to come.
Please also take a moment this week (if you haven’t already) to send love and compassion to all the victims of the Italian earthquake.
If you have enjoyed this Positive Pause you might appreciate my online, self-help programme, The Positive Habit which is gaining five star ratings from those who have completed the course. Lightness of tears
We were in the car on our way to stay in a remote holiday home in the Catalonian countryside when we realised that we had been so busy living “in the moment” we had forgotten to bring adequate provisions for dinner; we had ‘some’ food but not really enough. My optimistically programmed husband said, “at least we have some eggs.” How true! “At least” is a phrase that we could all probably do with using more often. It is in an indirect way of being grateful for what we do have rather than being concerned with what we don’t.
This week, if you find yourself complaining about some less than satisfactory aspect of your life, or if you have made a small mistake, or if you have forgotten something, please try using the phrase “at least” You will quickly realise that you have ‘more’ than you may realise and there is nothing “at least” about it. By focussing on the positive aspect of any situation you send a message to your subconscious that will enable you to gain greater joy, happiness and peace.
Please read the 5 star reviews that my online program, The Positive Habit is receiving from those who have completed the course.
Recently I created the opportunity for myself to attend a sketching class. I haven’t done anything like this since I was at school and, to be honest, I was like many others in the class who thought that they couldn’t actually draw! I must admit that I am one of many who suffer with limited belief in my talent when it comes to creating visual art. Usually memories of doing art at school come flooding back and the teachers who did their best to inspire. Draw away your fear
The art teacher who took the sketching class recently however must have been trained in positive psychology because she started off by saying, “forget your fear or limited beliefs, leave them at the door, you can do this, it’s lines on a piece of paper.” The way she spoke resonated with me and I decided to go with her advice.
She allowed only pens to be used so that we couldn’t try to start again; this was a wonderful way of encouraging spontaneous drawing and letting go of ideas of perfection. She then pointed out something I do already know – that perfection does not exist.
We were asked to draw flowers in a plant pot and I along with the rest of the class entered the state known as ‘flow’ where all my attention was absorbed on what I was doing. This is a very creative and therapeutic state where time becomes totally unimportant and everything is focussed on the task at hand.
This week, if you have the chance, take this teacher’s advice and leave any fear or self-doubt at the door where it belongs. Believe in your talent to achieve success in whatever endeavour you are engaged in. My sketch may not be a masterpiece but it’s better than I thought it would be and all because I opened my mind and let go off negative thought patterns. In the words of Thomas Edison, “if we did all we are capable of we would literally astound ourselves.” A few more art classes and who knows what’s possible…!
Please read the 5 star reviews that my online program, The Positive Habit is receiving from those who have completed the course.
“Wherever you are, be there totally.” Eckhart Tolle Acceptance
This week, bring your attention to each and every precious moment. If you find yourself resisting the moment for whatever reason – if you are bored waiting in traffic, fed up with the weather or even if somebody is irritating you, ask yourself, can I change this moment? If the answer is no then accept it just the way it is. If the answer is yes then you can change it, but instead of complaining (which is an automatic stress response) either speak out in a positive way or simply leave the space.
Inner peace comes from acceptance as opposed to resistance. When we take away inner conflict and the busy traffic of our thoughts we have a chance to be fully present and to allow the best part of us to shine.
Please read the 5 star reviews that my online program, The Positive Habit is receiving.
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I have a small wooden chair that I’ve had ever since I was very young. In fact, I think my parents bought it for my sister before I was born. They got it in France and somehow it has moved around with me all of my adult life.
I believe in the phrase “ at least ”.
