What do you think? Should I have done that? Was I right? Would you have done the same?
In my work, a lot of the issues that I help people with stem from low self-esteem and poor self-confidence. When you examine what it means to have a low opinion of yourself or to doubt yourself it is usually rooted in a lack of ability to trust yourself. Failing to trust your own decisions, opinions, behaviour, thoughts or feelings leads to a constant need to look outside yourself for validation and improvement.
Trust yourself
Many of us question ourselves and in order to feel better about a situation we look to others to take our side, to validate what we did and to reassure us that we were correct. An example of this would be when you stand up to a person who is trying to manipulate you and then start yo doubt whether you have behaved appropriately.It is common then to ask others – what do you think? Should I have done that? Was I right? Would you have done the same?
This week, if you have any tricky encounters at work or in your personal life, or if you question your behaviour or something you may have said, please stop yourself from checking with somebody else if your course of action was correct. The truth is that, what they think or don’t think is not really relevant. Stand over your own decisions and behaviour. When you practise an open and honest awareness of your behaviour, the only opinion that is relevant is your own. You will know if you have behaved out of turn or could have handled the situation better. If that is the case then take responsibility for yourself, apologise and do what you need to do to make the situation better. If you feel that you have behaved in a way that was fair and kind or if you needed to assert yourself, then rest assured that you have done the right thing. Trust youself!
Please take the time to check out my online, self-help program, The Positive Habit.
My work as a Clinical Hypnotherapist is about helping people to use their subconscious minds in a way that benefits them mentally, physically, emotionally and psychologically. I believe in helping people to train their subconscious minds not just to overcome unwanted negative thought and behavioural patterns but to reach their full positive potential. suggestible subconsciousous
I feel very fortunate that I am able to help people bring out the best in themselves and to lead happy, successful and peaceful lives. Many clients report transformations quite quickly and are often amazed at the shift in their perspectives. A good example would be the shift from dependency on emotional eating to choosing to release emotions in a safe and healthy way such as going for a run or to a yoga class. The truth is that these transformations are simply the subconscious mind responding to the client’s conscious commands.
Your subconscious is incredibly susceptible to suggestion and, like a child, it generally believes what you tell it. Hence the thoughts you have are paramount to the life you create.
This week, each morning practise this uplifting affirmation which focuses on the choice we all have to be the master of our minds.
First thing when you open your eyes, say to yourself with feeling and energy:
‘Today I choose happiness, health and success. I choose love and harmony in all my relations. I choose peace and serenity for my mind.’
As the day progresses and if you find yourself slipping from this mindset, gently remind yourself of the choice you have made. It is not the events that happen in your life that shape you, but your response to them; how you respond is your choice. By programming your subconscious first thing in the morning you are literally wiring yourself for wellness.
Ask An Expert: How to Improve Your Life Using DIY Hypnotherapy
Katie Mythen-Lynch interviews Fiona Brennan, Clinical Hypnotherapist and creator of The Positive Habit, Six Pathways to Positivity – Digital, Self-Help Programme. Discussed is hypnotherapy, conscious eating and mindfulness and how to deal with negative thoughts, feelings, emotions or behaviour. Read more here…
For more information and to take the anxiety/self-esteem test to see if the program is right for you please visit thepositivehabit.com
This week my son did well in his sports day and being the proud mum, I decided to take him out for a pizza to celebrate. Just as we were leaving the house I decided to leave my phone at home, something I consciously do quite often to get a digital break. In addition, I wanted all of my attention to be on my son and our time together. digitally dependent
We were having a great time and my son said “oh take a picture”. “Great idea” I said, reaching for my bag to take out my phone. Two minutes later we had moved onto talking about football and I was talking about the France-Ireland game of 2009 when Thierry Henry hand-balled the ball and Ireland lost as a result! I wanted to google the video to show him how it had happened and so, once again, my hand automatically reached for the bag and the phone! A few minutes later we are chatting about inviting one of his pals over. “I’ll text the mum now” I said. At that moment I also had the inspiration for this weeks Positive Pause. Guess what? I usually use my phone to note down the idea! By now, my brain had caught up and instead of reaching for the bag, I smiled and asked the waiter for a pen!
Many of us have become so digitally dependent that our phone has become the go-to device for answering all questions from our work to our personal life. Growing evidence shows that our brains are literally overwhelmed with information and we are caught in a vicious “reward” cycle of checking our phones for the latest information hit, whether it is a text, email, Facebook or Twitter update we switch quickly from one to the other. Such immediate gratification and apparent multi-tasking over stimulates the brain and dumbs down the higher-level thought centres in the pre-frontal cortex which is responsible for decision making, concentration and emotional intelligence.
The consequences of this lead to increased anxiety, poor concentration and loss of train of thought. This week, consider how device dependent you might be and take steps to control it. Simple ‘rules’ such as ‘one screen at a time’ (research shows that many people who are watching TV are also on their phones); turning the phone to “do not disturb”, keeping the mobile out of the bedroom and out of the room at meal times can really help. Observe how often you reach for your phone and every third time you reach for it, resist checking it. Train your brain to resist the urge and give it a well deserved break. Set aside allocated times for being online. Leave the phone at home when ever the possibility arises.
I may have no photo on my phone of the dinner I had with my son, but I do have a wonderful imprint on my memory of our time together. Real time, real people and real connections stimulate our mental well-being and cannot be replaced no matter how much information our devices hold!
All too often in life it is easy to blame someone else when things do not go exactly according to plan, or to put it simply, when things go wrong! We hear it every day ‘If only this person had done this or that, then this or that would not have happened’ or ‘I am so annoyed with x or y as this is their fault.’ Avoid the blame game
This week I was inspired by someone very close to me who rose above blame in a situation where it would have been all too easy to point the finger in fear or anger. A medical error was made, an error that could have had very serious consequences. The error itself was minor and even the most skilled of surgeons are human; any procedure comes with a certain amount of risk. This is true in many areas of our lives. Thankfully, everything has turned out well and there are no lasting consequences.
It occurred to me that the positive outcome of this event is not just a coincidence but because also of the positive attitude and understanding of the patient; the ability to focus on getting better rather than dwelling on what went wrong has played a huge part in the recovery process. The negative emotions that blame bring could only hinder any healing process.
This week, if you find yourself blaming anyone for things in your life that are less than ideal, whether it is at work or in your professional life, please take a big step back and remember the person you are blaming is human and “to err is human” (Alexander Pope). The energy you expend on blame and frustration is wasted and it takes away from reaching a positive resolution to the situation.
Consider also, that very often those who jump to blame are usually twice as hard on themselves. Please don’t forget to avoid playing the blame game on yourself. If you make a mistake remember to take a step back, offer compassion to yourself and allow yourself to see what a ‘mistake’ really is – an opportunity to learn, to grow and to reach your full potential.
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What do you think? Should I have done that? Was I right? Would you have done the same?
All too often in life it is easy to blame someone else when things do not go exactly according to plan, or to put it simply, when things go wrong! We hear it every day ‘If only this person had done this or that, then this or that would not have happened’ or ‘I am so annoyed with x or y as this is their fault.’